it's parasitism, not love

One of the common misconceptions about love is the idea that DEPENDENCY is love. This is a misconception with which psychotherapists must deal with on a daily basis. Its effect is seen most dramatically in an individual who makes an attempt or gesture or threat to commit suicide or who becomes incapacitating depressed in response to a rejection or separation from a spouse or lover. Such a person says: 

"I do not want to live, I cannot live without my husband (wife, girlfriend, boyfriend), I love him (or her) so much". 

And when I respond, as I frequently do, "You are mistaken; you do not love your husband (wife, girlfriend, boyfriend)." 

"What do you mean?" is the angry question. "I just told you I can't live without him (or her)."

I try to explain. 

"What you describe is parasitism, not love. When you require another individual for your survival, you are a parasite on that individual. There is no choice, no freedom involved in your relationship. It is a matter of necessity rather than love. Love is the free exercise of choice. Two people love each other only when they are quite capable of living without each other but choose to be with each other."

Paminta Rules 101

According to the Urban Dictionary, Paminta is a Filipino slang term for closet gay, or someone who keeps his being gay a secret to people, even his closest friends. The word "paminta" is the literal translation of "pepper".

Photo Credits from www.prideinart.com

Yesterday, I received a message on BBM from a friend. It's all about "Paminta Rules 101". It's a list on how should "paminta" act in public and how to identify closet gays in the Philippines. I think the purpose of this post is just for fun, a joke. But, somewhat, some of these are true.

Paminta Rules 101 :

Kabisaduhin ang Jumbo Hotdog para ready lagi sa videoke kahit takam na takam ka ng kantahin ang Spaghetti Pababa.

Kailangan mo ng topless pictures sa facebook kahit isa man lang. Nako ipakita ang abs este curves pala.

Naka gym outfit with beats headset sa MRT “love on top” naman pinapakinggan.

Iwasan manood ng horror at suspense, once na nagulat ka…sira ang career. Ikaw pala ay isang soprano.

Umihi sa urinals and take advantage iikot ang mata like a CCTV camera.

Wag sasabay sa dinner ng family, baka buksan ni fader ang topic kung bat wala ka pang girlfriend.

Iwasan tumapat sa araw baka matunaw ang foundation at kuminang na parang bampira. Huli ka nyan teh!

Iwasan mo ang mga bekiming lantad. Iba ang gaydar nila, delikado ka. LUMABAN KA!

It's not easy coming out of the closet. I know how it feels being in the closet. The fear of rejection is very real. I am afraid to be ridiculed and discriminated. I'm afraid that the society will judge me. And most of all, I'm afraid that I'll lose my family and friends.

But I took the liberty of faith to come out. One night, during our family dinner, I just shouted, "Mom, Dad, I think I'm gay." Everyone was shocked. Silence filled the room, I can even hear a pin dropping. No one talked.

After that moment, my life started to change. The openness and freedom to finally express myself openly. It was a risk worth taking.

My family accepted me. For who I am. For what I am.

Just a thought

"Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?"

Life came at me fast and I had to grow up fast to cope. I hit a few bumps in the road, fell on my ass, dusted it off, and made a new dance move. Repeating mistakes because "we're young" is a copout. Even with time, you'll never get any better at fucking up and practice does NOT make perfect; practice makes permanent. Life is your dress rehearsal and show all at once. You can't associate maturity with age, or even experience, but instead with how you handle yourself at all times.

"People are like stained glass windows; their beauty only shows if there's a light within."

When karma comes around she tends to be on my side so that signifies I must be doing right. I'm waiting to meet up with her and kick "Life's" ass.

Do you feel so demasculinated by your own sexual orientation that you have to use the term "straight acting"? What a slap in the face, hypocrite. News Flash: Someone being femme doesn't make them gayer than you. You have no reason to not be comfortable unless there's something not right with yourself.

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

Flirting is fun and fine, but if you're giving the same impression to multiple romantic interests then you're diluting everything. Don't bark up my tree. I'm a one guy kind of guy.

"If it's something you'll regret in the morning, sleep in late."

TAG-LISH: Bulgogi Brothers, NLOS, Drunk, Sex

The original plan is a house"poker" party. This will be a celebration of Eren and Marga's birthday. But the house "poker" party is an EPIC FAIL!

Since we can't stay at Eren's house for the party I agreed to host it. Saturday morning, I asked my "kasambahay" to clean and do the laundry. Para naman malinis ang bahay. I was excited.

I woke up early Sunday morning to go to church since the party will be at night. Hindi na din ako nakatulog pa after kasi sa sobrang excited ko, nag palinis ulit ako ng bahay. Pinalitan ang mga bedsheets, curtains and table cloths. Since its Eren and Marga's birthday celebration, expected na sila ang bibili ng food at ako lang ang mag host ng place. Nag-usap na kami ni Marga kung anong food, then I asked them to buy 1 keg of Heineken and 2 boxes of S&R pizza. At dahil excited din ako, I wanted to share something. Nag pa-grocery ako sa "kasambahay" ko. I'm planning to grill some liempo and make my favorite dish. My very own, Killer Patataz.

The plan is 5PM, pero wala parin nagpaparamdam. Nabo-bore na ko. Mga around 5:30, Marga texted kakagising lang daw niya. Mag prepare na daw then magkikita na kami. At around 6Pm nagkita na kami ni Marga. I was not in a good mood that time na. So it turns out the "Pansol Crew" ditched us. They all the different excuses/reasons.

Anyway, since kami nalang ni Marga I asked her na mag Alabang Town Center nalang kami. Ayaw ko naman masira ang gabi ko.

We decided to have dinner at Bulgogi Brothers, a korean restaurant, and my favorite. Super nag enjoy kami ni Marga sa dinner. Ang dami naming na order at naka 2 cups of rice si Marga. LOL

While having dinner, kaBBM ko si Anna. She asked kung pwede magcoffee nalang daw kami in Starbucks BF Homes para makasunod siya. We agreed.  Nung nasa Starbucks na kami, Marga, Anna and Me, nawalan ako ng gana mag coffee since ang dami namin nakain. So niyaya ko nalang sila uminom sa NLOS Grill and Resto. Medyo good vibes yung sounds doon and chill lang. I told them na hindi ako uuwi nang hindi gumapang. We ordered their special vodka based drinks since sabi ng waitress walang hangover daw.

Inom. Inom. Inom. kulitan... then after few hours, I got drunk. We decided to go home.

then blackout.. wala na ko maalala!

I woke up, naked,  in my room cuddling with some random cute guy. I don't even know his name. Tulog na tulog pa siya. So dahan dahan akong nag punta ang bathroom cause I'm not feeling well. Nagsuka ako. [sabi ni ate, walang hangover?]

Pagbalik ko ng room dun ko napansin ung mga nagkalat na used condoms and lubes [sa table, sa floor, sa bed]. damn! maybe i was so drunk and horny last night? But I'm not like this. I'm not used to have sex with random strangers. Why did I let this happen?!

When the guy woke up, he started talking. He told me all the details of what happened last night and what made him decide to sleep with me. Unti unti ko siyang nakilala. His name is Richard. He's from the same village, few blocks away from my house.

We talked for hours. I found out that it was not his intention to have sex with me last night, gusto lang daw niya ako ihatid to make sure I'm safe. He tried to sponged me, para daw mahimasmasan ako but I started kissing him kaya nadala nalang daw siya. Nahiya naman ako sa kanya.

Before he left, he asked for a second round.. then third.. then forth.. hahaha!

from being so disappointed last night... now i'm wearing one of the most beautiful smile i had. 

While I'm writing this, I received a text from Richard asking me out. Will this be a new chapter for my love life? Let's wait and see. :)

Very Random

1. I like number 3. Maybe because I was born September 3.

2. It annoys me if someone claims that their favorite color is Black. Black is the absence of all colors (therefore it is not a color) or at least that's what I believed in.

3. My favorite color is Red. I don't know why, I just find red sexy.

4. I'm addicted to coffee.. I drink at least 6 cups a day.

5. I believe that most people who go to Starbucks are the ones who want to be noticed. If you really want to have real coffee, you can go to Figaro or The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf.

6. The Coffee Been & Tea Leaf is my most favorite coffee shop. I love their Chai Tea Latte! Starbucks is my second favorite. Yes, I want to be noticed. I love attention.

7. When I was in grade school, I punched a kid because he's gay. Ironically, I ended up being gay. LOL

8. I'm the type who wants serious relationship. I don't like flirting.

9. I quit smoking few weeks ago and I rarely drink alcoholic beverages.

10. I used to party! Literally, I love Party Pills. Sometimes, I'll wake up not knowing where I am or whom I slept with.

11. I have a total of 7 piercings: 3 on my right ear, 4 on my left ear.

12. I've wanted to have tattoos, but never been brave enough to get them.

13. I change Bed Sheets, Pillow Cases, Comforters and Curtains every 3 - 5 days. I don't even know why.

14. I love the rain. I'm actually looking for a country where it rains whole year round.

15. I like my hotdogs, eggs and bacon steamed not fried.

16. I hate gravy. I will never put gravy on anything, no matter how dry the meat might be.

17. I’m stubbornly independent. I want to do everything by myself .

18. I prefer listening over talking, most of the time.

19. I love fashion and nightlife, but I’m most comfortable at home watching DVD's.

20. Having sex on the first date is a big NO NO.

21. My first boyfriend entered the seminary a year after we broke up.

22. I love the beach. I love staying under the sun. I can't live a summer without going to the beach.

23. I am a runner. I am a Marathoner.

24. I go to boxing training 3 times a week.

25. I love platinum memberships. It makes me feel fabulous.


11 Random Questions People Asked Me Lately:

1.  What’s your favorite TV show? a lot. my most favorite is Charmed. watched the whole series 5 times.

2.  If you could have lunch with an actor/actress of any era, who would it be and why? Johnny Depp. I'm in love with him.

3.  If you could tightrope walk across anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? Paris, France. I'll do anything and everything just to go there.

4.  What is your favorite workout? Running and Boxing

5.  Do you crave sweet or salty foods? Sweet!

6.  Can you remember your last dream?  What was it? Someone's running after me, trying to kill me.

7.  How big is your bed? Queen Size

8.  What was the last thing you ate? Toblerone

9.  Who was your last phone call or text from? My Mom. she's confirming my flight schedule.

10.  If you could have any super power, what would it be? I wanna be invisible.

11.  What are three things you can't live without? my Blackberry phone, the charger and electricity. :P

I am Smoke Free

As the old saying goes; "Winners Never Quit and Quitters Never Win." I think that's crap.

Whilst this saying is true in some cases, it is certainly not a hundred percent of the time. 

Here's my story:

I'm a QUITTER! Yes, and I'm proud of that. I quit smoking and I won! While writing this blog post, I'm exactly 2 weeks Smoke Free. 

Marlboro Ice Blast - My favorite cigarette brand.

Why gave up Smoking?

Two years ago, I have committed my self to live a healthier and fitter lifestyle. I started running, I have conquered all distances in running [until full marathon]. I also started training for boxing and been addicted to contact sports since then. Doing all of that, I still feel incomplete. I was thinking and realized that in order to really live up with my commitment of living a healthier and fitter lifestyle, i have to stop smoking.

I've been addicted to smoking ("Nicotine is an addictive drug"). I started smoking when I was in high school. I used to think that smoking helps me deal with stress. It's a one tough challenge for me but I have to WIN.

I prepared a list of things to do when I get desires and thinking to smoke. Some includes: take a walk/run, have a cup of coffee or a bottle of water, chew a piece of gum or candy, have sex, kiss someone and the list goes on.. I already have tons of things to do just in case the craving hits me. Then those feelings disappear before I even realize it. It's like they never existed!  Now, my hands are no longer tied and I'm no longer a slave to the cigarettes! I FINALLY DID IT!

It took me two grueling years to finally stopped. It might be too long but it's worth it!

What happened after quitting?

* My family and friends stopped bugging me because  i don't smoke.

* I don't stink anymore. I mean, my clothes don't stink like an ashtray.

* I save a lot of bucks. More money to spend on other things.

* and the most important thing, I FEEL GOOD WITH MYSELF! :)

So if anyone still thinks that Quitters never win, well think again.

The aNR 5th Saturday Run

Want a good example of what a fun run really is? Join the adiNation of Runners(aNR) 5th Saturday Run, previously called "aNR 5th Sunday Run"(bakit nga ba ginawang Sabado?). This event is organized by the Adidas Running Community in partnership with takbo.ph (correct me if I'm wrong). This is a series of events every 5th Saturday/Sunday of the month until the most awaited Adidas King of the Road.

Every aNR 5th Sunday Run, there are series of events featured to excite the Adidas Running Community. They have 5k Fun Run, 5k race wherein 5 members of each aNR Groups could complete and the breath-taking 5k relay.

The aNR Groups:

aNR BHS (Bonifacio High Street) - StormChasers

aNR Ayala - Ayala Triads

aNR Ortigas - Ortigas United

aNR UP - HeartBreak'ers

aNR Alabang - SnailRunners

aNR MOA - Team MOA

napagod na ako kakahanap ng pictures. thank you nga pala kung sino man ang photographers ng mga picture na ito. tinamad na ko magsulat, kaya next time nalang ulit. :P

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Stress and a Glass of Water

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 20g. to 500g.

The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter.
It depends on how long you try to hold it.

If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.

If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.

If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.

In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

He continued,

"And that's the way it is with stress management.
If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later,
as the burden becomes increasingly heavy,
we won't be able to carry on. "

"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.

When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden."

"So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down.

Don't carry it home.
You can pick it up tomorrow.
Whatever burdens you're carrying now, set them down and
don't pick them up again until after you've rested a while.

Hope we have not so heavy burdens today.
If we do have - rest then pick up.

"tara, p're, CHECK IN tayo."

"Love Yourself Inc." aims to reach out to the community to propagate ideas, attitude and practices that encourage loving one's self --DARE CARE SHARE. DARE to be oneself, CARE for oneself, & to SHARE oneself as a way to multiplying joy and love.

The LoveYourself Inc. will be holding a private, discreet, and confidential (and FREE) counseling and screening for HIV, Syphilis, and Hepa B on July 22, 2012 at Victoria Court, Malate. 

The LoveYourself counselors will be there to guide you through. Everyone is welcome.

For further details and information, visit www.loveyourself.ph 

For pre-registration, click here. 

DARE. CARE. SHARE.

5th Robinsons Fit & Fun Wellness Buddy Run

I had a great time at the 5th Robinsons Fit & Fun Wellness Buddy Run. This race is unique because you are required finishing the race together with your buddy. YES! You need to have a running buddy in order for you to register and you have to finish together. 

My running buddy? He is a good friend and my shoulder to cry on. *naks! meganon?* Ron and I decided to be running buddies. I'm a bit hesitant before the race because I'm not prepared for it. I've been idle for quite some time because I just had an eye surgery. So from being a couch potato, here I am running my come back run - 10k.

While running the race, I noticed runner couples holding hands.*inggitera lang!* I'm lucky to have a great running buddy. He's encouraging me to keep running and sometimes had to walk on my account.

wearing the "loveyourself" shirt during the run. Happy 1st Year Anniversary LoveYourself!

My buddy has been very sensitive to my needs. He constantly checks if I'm still okay. I admit, this 10k run is one of my worst runs. It's a "buwis-buhay" race for me. But my buddy made it much easier. He keeps on checking if I'm still comfortable with our pace, if we're too fast, too slow or just right, or if I needed to walk.

My buddy and I agreed before the race that the goal was just to have fun and finish the race with a decent time. We finished with an unofficial time of 1:11. not bad right?

After the race, Ron and I made a quick stop at Starbucks.  

The First thing I did when I got home; checked out the loot.

WOW! Groceries... I think this would last a month?!?! Hahaha

Have I mentioned I run the last 2-3km barefoot? Yes! At first I was wearing my Vibram Five Fingers, unfortunately, I had blisters and made me decide to run barefoot.

This is the only photo we have during the race from Pinoy Fitness. What the hell am I doing here? HAHAHA

"Welcome back to running, FRED! See you guys on the road.."